You Convince Him! Part 1

Our latest adoption story starts four states ago.  We were living in Arkansas and just knew that we were supposed to adopt again.  We went through it all.  I attended an orientation meeting and completed the paper work.  We attended classes, did the homework, survived the home study, and submitted all the proof the department of child protective services needed to see that we were stable and functional enough to adopt.

After all that investment, we were told that we should hear from a placement specialist within a couple of weeks.  I eagerly waited.

And waited, and waited...

After two weeks had passed, I called the office, and they couldn't even find our file.  I had to wait for them to call back to let me know they found our file.  Needless to say, I was frustrated that they even admitted that it was lost.  It should have been sitting right on top of the adoption placement specialist's desk - right where she could clearly see that a waiting and willing family was ready for her call.  Instead, I had to call again.  Then I had to wait for an update on the location of our file.  Finally, it was found and I was told all looked good and I should expect a phone call from the specialist very soon.

We waited again, only this time, we got a letter in the mail stating that they were requiring even more documentation to update our file, including new reference letters that needed to be submitted in a different format. I was so frustrated that I stashed the letter away for a later time - a time when I had cooled off!  "Adoption should not be this hard when I am being so cooperative!" I thought.

I never did get around to updating our file.  Life changed drastically.  We had family move in, which meant there was no space for children.  After they all moved out, we ended up moving ourselves.  It all happened so quick and unexpectedly.  There was a lot of disappointment when I realized that our adoption was not going to happen.

We moved several times after that.  First to Ohio, then to North Carolina.  During our one year stay in North Carolina, my sister-in-law had a baby.  I drove to her place to help her out a little bit and I still remember how, right before I was supposed to drive back home, I came across a documentary about orphans in China.  The reality was shocking and dreadful.  I spent the next couple of days holding my newborn niece, just trying to imagine how those babies on the other side of the world could be so...discarded.  These little babies were truly suffering.  The reality of it all was horrifying.  After some thought, I looked up qualifications to adopt from China.  Of course, we didn't meet the qualifications.  We had too many stinkin' kids of our own!  How is it that I have room in my heart and home, but according to government regulations, it has been decided that these children must instead be left alone to die?  It made no sense to me, but that was my answer.  I stared at the qualifications on my computer screen and could find no way around it.  So I shut my computer down and packed up my bags.  Sleep-deprived and heavy-hearted, I said goodbye to my sister-in-law and newborn niece.  It was time to head back home to my own babies.

So I drove and cried most of the four hour drive home.  Actually, I bawled that ugly, snotty wail of a cry.

I am sure that I was a scary sight.  I even remember willing myself to calm down enough so that I didn't have to pull the car over, simply because of my pride. Try explaining the situation to someone as they pull over to check on you as you sit on the side of a highway.

"Ma'am, are you okay?"

"Yes, but the babies in China are not!"

I knew I'd be committed then!

So after two hours, I calmed down the tears to a few here and there.  My eyes were swollen, my vision was still blurred, but even worse, my heart was so heavy it literally hurt.

It wasn't fair.  We are willing, so why don't we qualify?  It didn't make sense.  Looking back, I think it is funny that I prayed why instead of requesting for a way.

I made it home and shared what I saw with my husband.  He listened and comforted me.  Then, I moved on with life, which was a good thing because we ended up moving again!  This time, we moved even further south to Florida.

Little did I know that all of this was coming together just as it was meant to be.  We started life and it took a good year before we finally felt that we were getting adjusted and making friends.  I poured a lot of my time and energy into homeschooling my children and started to volunteer whatever free time I had to the co-op they were a part of.  I was really starting to feel like I was finding my place and that we were good to go.

During this time, I signed up to be Jamberry Nails consultant, which is kind of funny because I am not very good about doing my nails.  I started off just to get the discount, but before I knew it, customers were coming to me!  So I poured my not-so-free time into that.  It turns out that I shouldn't have taken it on.  It really wasn't the right business for me, but I came out of that experience with a connection that I am so grateful for!  This woman contacted a friend/consultant who signed up under me and asked for her to do a party.  The party was passed on to me, so another friend of mine and I held a party for her.  I remember towards the end, seeing her little ones come home from an outing with their daddy while she hosted her party.  She had two sweet little girls and a cute little boy who looked nothing like the girls.  She had clearly adopted him, but those kids blended together in such a beautiful way - they were clearly forever siblings.  It was a beautiful thing to witness.

My Jamberry business soon ended, summer flew by too quickly and before I knew it, school was back in session.  It wasn't long before our norm began to change.  

Life was stressful.  I was dealing with conflict and lost so much sleep.  I felt sick, tired, and heart-broken.  But through it all, I spent a lot of time reflecting and realized that I was missing something.  I spent a lot of time in prayer - as hard times can often get people to do.  During one prayer, this question came into my head...

"What if you took all of that time and energy that you are investing in other people's dreams and poured it into your own dreams?"

"My dreams?"  I wondered.  "What could possibly be on my heart to pursue?"

One simple word came to mind and honestly, kind of shocked me.

"Adoption."

I laughed to myself.  There was no way I was bringing that one up with my husband again.  We'd talked about it on and off for so long that I knew where he stood.  I had pretty much given up on the idea of raising more children.  Besides, I was tired.  I already have six kids.  I could not possibly handle more.  Could I?  I just couldn't see how it would even be possible.

So I ended my prayer with this little challenge, "Okay, God.  If we are supposed to do this, then YOU are going to have to be the one to change my husband's heart because I am NOT pressuring him anymore on this one.  You convince him!"

That pretty much ended the conversation.  To even think about adoption at this point seemed crazy.  I shook off the notion dancing around in my restless little head and moved on with my day.

The conversation ended, but it turns out that the challenge was accepted.

Comments

  1. I loved reading every word of your story. I know that ugly snotty crying while driving thing. I don't recommend it, but hey, the heart feels what the heart feels. Love that your hearts desire to adopt is finally happening in His perfect timing. Love you & every member of your beautiful family. ~Heather Hamby

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  2. This really goes to show us that prayers work, but we have to be patient to wait for His time. I admire your faith and patience not to give up. I don't know who will be more blessed through this, you or your new additions! I really look forward to the journey you share and thank you so much for sharing it!
    Hugs---Aunt Joyce

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