The Red Thread: Just My Luck

My thirteen-year-old and I recently started this little interaction.  Every time something happens where we might be tempted to complain, we jokingly say, “Just my luuuuuuuck” in our best Eeyore voice.  This cracks us up.  We even made a game out of it.   When we say it this way, we are reminded to find the humor in our situations.  It has actually helped us to count our blessings and realize how easy it is to fall into that negative mindset that leads us to depression.  Things may look hard or be less than ideal for a while, but if you keep your head up, it can turn around...here’s one example: 

The next few days that followed our decision to review this sweet little boy’s file was a bit stressful!  On February 16th, we received a nine-year-old boy's file.  The very next morning, we agreed to seriously review it.  We were asked to give an answer by the 20th.  

I didn’t even know where to start when it came time to review the file.  I was only allowed to send the information to those who were going to be involved in helping me make the decision to adopt or not adopt this child.  Just knowing that, I felt very isolated, but of course, this child belonged to China, not me.  

I read all the information the agency had but it didn’t seem like much.  I began searching for information on his province and orphanage.  Did I mention he lives in China?  Turns out they are very private.  I came up with very little.

When I emailed the agency to let them know that we were going to seriously review the file, I also asked to speak with the boy’s host family.  Fortunately for me, the boy was hosted in the U.S. during the winter which was great for me!  Hosting can often provide a wealth of information on the child because the host family interacts with the child for several weeks.  The agency contacted the family and they happily agreed to talk to me.  The agency told me that I should receive an email shortly so we could arrange a time to talk.

That was good, but it was unfortunate that Scott had to go out of town this same week   (Just my luuuuuuuck.)  I would have loved for him to join me as we talked to the host family.  He often thinks of questions to ask that I'd never come up with.  Why did all of this have to happen while he was traveling?  Since he had to go out of town, it was on me to get any information I could.  

I picked up my phone and started calling doctors.  I tried the Shriners hospital, knowing that they provide services to children with specific injuries and conditions.  I was told that unless the child was accepted as a patient, they would not review his file.  I couldn’t apply until the boy was adopted and they just weren’t going to look at his file to help me understand all that would be required for his care.  (Just my luuuuuuck...)

I tried calling my doctor’s office.  I got the same answer.  We’ve lived in Florida for over a year now but that wasn’t long enough to really establish the kinds of connections with medical professionals that I needed for a situation like this!  Oh to be well-established in a community with neighbors and friends who have known me all my life!  That would have made this one situation world’s easier!  (Just my luuuuuuck...)

I thought about going to the urgent care clinic and sitting in the office with a made-up-condition just so I could sit on the paper-lined bed and pull out the file, (Surprise!) forcing the doctor to look at my condition!  Answers!  My condition is that I need answers!  Oh, and can you bill my insurance for this?

I thought about who I knew, then texted our pastor’s wife.  She knew about this condition since she has a family member with it and before I knew it, she was on the phone with me, giving me names of specialists and therapists who can help me when I bring him home.  After talking to her, I was confident that we had a good foundation established to get him started for care.  I was feeling a little more confident about adopting him, but I still didn’t have a doctor to look at his file.  

After sharing my progress with Scott, we both agreed that this boy’s Cerebral Palsy was something we could handle.  What we really wanted to know was if his lab work was okay.  

It was hard not to feel alone in this search for answers.  My husband was gone and with the exception of our pastor’s wife, there was minimal response from those I shared the information with.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  (Just my luuuuuck...)

I started researching International Adoption doctors, but did we want to pay an international doctor to read his blood test results?  It's not that I minded paying a doctor to spend time on his file, it was just that I didn't feel that this particular case required an international adoption doctor since we knew specifically what answers we wanted to seal the deal.  With the little time we had, we were also aware that we might have to pay extra to expedite the review.

The file was so simple that the only thing we felt an IA doctor could tell us was worst-case scenarios on his condition.  The boy had surgery, but there wasn’t even information on that!  The added pressure of knowing that we needed to be able to say that we had a doctor review our file (even though there was very little information in it) made things a little more stressful. Plus, what if I’m missing something that a doctor might see?  Having a doctor review it was important!

I was feeling so desperate to find a doctor that I emailed our agency and asked them if they might have a list of doctors.  Oh, and by the way, I still hadn’t heard from the host family.  Did they get my contact information?  

Of course, they didn’t have a list of doctors, but they suggested I take a look at international adoption doctors and provided me with some websites and information on that.  (Just my luck...)  They also assured me the host family had my contact info and offered to reach out to them again.  

But you know, things have a way of working out.  In the middle of it all, I felt unsure, alone, and desperate.  I wanted someone to be right there with me...physically standing by my side, walking me through this so I didn’t have to do it alone.  I don’t know how many prayers I prayed that God would help me find a doctor, but I know He heard me clearly the first time because He provided.

Late Tuesday night, I responded to a message from a friend of mine on Facebook.  She mentioned the adoption and I expressed my stress and frustration at not being able to find a doctor to review his file.  The agency asked us to give them an answer by Friday.  Time was ticking away.  

This woman was a godsend to me when we adopted two of our children in the past.  We both lived in Virginia when Scott and I adopted Nathanuel and Hannah and she was always there to support and celebrate with us as we went through the process.  

Now, even though we live states apart, she was stepping up to be there for me again. As she was helping me try to figure out how to solve this problem, she listed out some ideas and then threw in,  “My uncle is a doctor...” 

I am normally so bad about asking for help, but I really needed a doctor to look at this file.  It took everything in me to not beg.  She agreed to text him the next day to see if he could help. 

Wednesday morning, I was back at our homeschool co-op, sharing my situation and looking for anyone who could help me make any kind of progress on this file.  The more feedback I could get, the better, but I remembered that there wasn’t really much information to glean from.  I got a bright idea...I’d ask one of the moms who adopted her children from China!  One of her children has the same condition, so maybe she could give me her thoughts on his file.  Maybe she could tell me if the very little information I had on this boy was normal, or maybe she would warn me to be suspicious that they were hiding something from me.  Yes, I'd ask this mom.  Only this particular Wednesday, she wasn’t there.   (Just my luuuuuuuck...)

Then I thought about one of the science teachers who also happened to be a veterinarian.  While I know that human bodies are different from say, dog bodies, I figured she could provide some insight that I needed. 

So there she was sitting in her classroom.  One mom was straightening up while another mom was spraying Lysol and disinfecting the room because a student had puked in there hours before...  Did I mention I’m a germ freak?  Thankfully this mama was spraying that can good!  They were all there, witnessing my situation...inhaling Lysol fumes with me as I nervously waited for feedback.

While I may not have been sitting next to a CP specialist, not only did this good-hearted woman sit down and look at what I’d printed out, she also gave me some great feedback.  She talked to me about some of the adjustments I might need to make to accommodate him and his transportation needs.  She told me things I never thought about and it gave me hope.  

This boy has been working so hard to make progress on his own.  Between our determination to help him and his determination to succeed, we could do this!  As far as all the blood tests, she had some, but not all the answers I needed.  I wanted to be sure there wasn’t something hidden in those numbers and letters that I could not interpret.  

When I got home Wednesday afternoon, I spent some time googling blood test results.  I got some good information on it, but the urine test readings were harder for me to figure out.  That, and I still really needed a doctor to look at his file.  I wasn’t confident that something might be lurking in there that I was missing.

I also forwarded the file to my friend so she could have it ready for her uncle if he agreed to review it, and at 5:06 p.m., she responded, “He’s happy to help :)”  

Just my luck!  

Really!?!?  

I have a friend who has an uncle who is a doctor who is willing to look at the file???  

YES!

Not only did this amazing man look at the file, he looked at it within hours of receiving it.  Not only did he look at it, he gave me thorough and friendly feedback.  I was so overwhelmed and thankful and amazed that a stranger would take the time out of his busy schedule to do me a favor.  He spent time emailing his findings, speaking blessings over our family, and when I read his response, I was 100% confident that we were ready to move forward and say yes.  My friend and her uncle became my heroes at that very moment.  They helped seal the deal.  They became a part of the red thread to this sweet, determined, nine year old boy.  

After receiving this doctor’s email, I excitedly shared it with Scott.  Blood and urine tests looked good.  According to his file, he is healthy, but he has cerebral palsy.  That’s pretty much it.  Let’s do it.  

So we emailed the agency and although we still hadn’t talked to the host family, we told them we were ready to move forward.  There were just too many signs pointing us in this direction.  We were ready.  This boy was ours.  

The ladies at the agency worked with me through my excited state.  I probably sent about 25 hurried emails to various contacts as I tried to figure out what to send to who.  I got an email from one contact with instructions to complete our letter of intent along with more required documents.  I completed it, proudly stating a doctor reviewed his file, then sent it to the same person, even though the instructions clearly told me to send it to a specific contact at another email address.  When I realized this, I sent it to them as well, only to get an email from the first contact saying she forwarded it to the right person.  Oh their poor inboxes!  

I was so excited.  I had that paperwork done within a few hours!  We’d made up our minds!  I was determined to lock in this file ASAP! 

Our agency received everything that very afternoon and they were three hours behind my time zone, so they had even more time to process everything.  I figured I'd hear from them that Thursday evening.

Only the email I received to confirm receipt was not what I expected:  

"Hi Melissa!  Thank you so much for sending all these wonderful materials so quickly – you did a beautiful job!!   Your Letter of Intent is excellent and everything else looks super as well...  The CCCWA is on holiday for about the next week, but we will make sure to have everything translated and ready to lock his file just as soon as they return next week.”

Oh yeah...

Chinese New Year.  

I got on Facebook and saw all the Year of the Sheep posts from adoptive families that I’d already read earlier.  I should have known!  All that rushing to get the paperwork turned in and now...it sits.  I would be waiting for at least a week before my letter of intent to adopt was even submitted.  

While many adoptive parents were celebrating, I was banging my head on a desk.

Just.   My.   Luck.